Deadlines

Many times I have begun to write a blog entry attempting to get out some sort of feeling, emotion or other thought process that’s been rattling around in my head. I’m particularly proud of writing about the perception of time and my particular relationship with time-travel fiction. Too many times I’ve written something in my word processor fully intending to transfer the file to my blog setting up a rant about why I can’t seem to argue with other people correctly, fighting the dreaded procrastination monster, or some sort of other self-involved writing. Many people post blog entries with a few words and a link to an article, video, or some other information usually generated by someone else. Thus, showing that they read through the blogsphere / news-articles and can fins something interesting that other people might find diverting for a few minutes. Others, being more jaded and attempting to increase their income from blogs, I suspect, will deliberately find items to post that will trigger a better class of Google advertisements that will generate the ever-so important click-thrus for a higher return on their kickback checks. I attempt to either post photos that we’ve taken and post writings that I’ve made or thoughts that I’ve had. Not particularly mind-blowing, but cathartic in its own way.

My personal touchstone between true philosophy and pop philosophy (to anyone who’s been paying attention) is Douglas Adams. He died on a treadmill in Hollywood in May 2001. He had a saying that has been often quoted, but mostly joked about that he loved deadlines. He especially “enjoyed the whooshing noise they made as they went by.” Many of the things I agree with Adams as written in his books, the over-glorification of money in our society rather than the steady work/accomplishment/reward cycle that I now find myself in. Other things I don’t agree with. He was a renowned atheist. Not particularly militant like Christopher Hitchens, but his take was more of the satirical view such as the quote from Dennis Miller: “Hare Karishnas can’t be a real religion, because God made us in His own image, and I know He wouldn’t wear His hair that way.” The other item that I disagree with is the lack of holding to a deadline.

 I love having deadlines for generating content. I will do the research; provide a report; generate an image – just tell me your basic parameters and the drop-dead time you’d like for it to be done. Make sure that the deadline has a built-in review period to it so I can make corrections that you have. I can meet or exceed those expectations. Tasking me and then leaving it open-ended causes me to have to create my own deadlines and then lower my own expectations because I have to have a perfect product within a self-imposed ticking of the clock. Not so good for the stress. It is a form of planning, control, even. Without a specific deadline (even if it is an arbitrary one) I personally feel a lack of control. I will focus on smaller goals like washing the car or mowing the grass rather than tackling  the big item because it isn’t as pressing or as tactile as a deadline imposes upon it.

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I’ve gained back much of the weight that I had lost over the summer from my stress episode. The blood pressure and sugar haven’t been so much of a problem lately, but I’m back to eating out much more at lunch and/or getting sandwich stuff from the grocery store and storing it in the fridge until needed. I need to find more time to move,  to use the tools that I have including a walkable neighborhood, a Wii Fit, a tennis racket (do wish there was a close court nearby) and to just quit eating quite so much. I’ve been using food again for a sedative. Mainly in the late evenings when at midnight, and I’m still not tired, and boredom has brought me to deciding between watching reruns of earlier news programs or surfing around the ever-decreasing library of DVDs on the Netflix account. I haven’t been sleeping well since the stress events in July. Some nights I’ll wake up two or three times. The other night both boys woke up at 3:44am. Ford wouldn’t go back to sleep and Alexander wanted to argue whether it was close enough to morning time that he could stay snuggled in our bed or have to go back to his room. Ford, being rather crabby that morning, benefited from a nice warm shower to calm his mood. We then went to IHOP at 5:00 in the morning to transition from a crabby morning to something that was more family oriented and a treat.

 Now that I have a job, I need a goal. The long-range goal had been to replace my 144K mile Mustang with a Honda CR-V, but in the shrinking economy, it doesn’t seem appropriate or wise to expend that amount of money (for the small return I’ll get for selling the Mustang) for a new car. Although, the clutch is starting to make a slight noise that I’m having worries over. I should set the goal of losing weight, but the hardest part I’ve found is the exerting control over the amount I’m eating. I wish I could just stop eating for a couple of months. Not feel hungry or deprived either. Just drink mineral water. So much of our social interaction with other people is set around food. The hardest decisions that many in our society have are not those about whether we should drill in the Alaskan north, whether we should have a stronger renewable energy policy, but most often: where are we going to lunch?